I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize