i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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