He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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