We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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