I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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