I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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