If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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