the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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