I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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