I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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