I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So much Jack, so little girl.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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