my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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