If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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