and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
