Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
