You're completely useless in the revolution.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
