Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
