Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
