he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
