Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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