if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize