Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
