She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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