this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize