Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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