I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
