Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize