Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
please come you make the beer taste better
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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