fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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