Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
