I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
