if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
