she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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