everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
