To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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