More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
