hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
