those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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