Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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