PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
