My Higher Power is John Stamos
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
