it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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