Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Randomize
