dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
