One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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