fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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