I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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