Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
