You don't have asthma, your pregnant
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize