We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
