I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
