Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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