508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
