Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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