But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
