the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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