I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
