things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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