A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
