so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
