google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
