i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize