that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
