He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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