I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
