If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
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