can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
