if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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