I look better un-naked...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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