I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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