He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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