what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
