You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
