The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize