all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
