Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This can only be settled by a dance off.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
